


In Parting From You Now

by captainbane



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Evil Author Day, Heavy Angst, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt Magnus Bane, M/M, Sick Magnus Bane, i wrote an alternative ending cause i'm nice like that, it's seriously super sad guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-25
Updated: 2019-03-28
Packaged: 2019-12-07 18:35:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18238709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainbane/pseuds/captainbane
Summary: There is something else buzzing beneath his skin, something that he had originally mistaken for his new magic. A strange and cold sensation that is so different from the usual warmth he feels in his body; something old and evil. It’s too late when Magnus realizes that the humming beneath his skin isn’t his magic but a ticking time bomb.You’re going to die, it says. Magnus doesn’t see it coming.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> listen,,, I'm really sorry.  
> (but there is an alternative ending if it's too sad for you.)

 

 **Take this kiss upon the brow!**  
**And, in parting from you now,**  
**Thus much let me avow-**  
**You are not wrong, who deem**  
**That my days have been a dream;**  
**Yet if hope has flown away**  
**In a night, or in a day,**  
**In a vision, or in none,**  
**Is it therefore the less gone?**  
**All that we see or seem**  
**Is but a dream within a dream.**

**\- Edgar Allan Poe, A Dream Within A Dream**

 

* * *

 

 

There is something else buzzing beneath his skin, something that he had originally mistaken for his new magic. A strange and cold sensation that is so different from the usual warmth he feels in his body; something old and evil. It’s too late when Magnus realizes that the humming beneath his skin isn’t his magic but a ticking time bomb.

 _You’re going to die_ , it says. Magnus doesn’t see it coming.

 

* * *

 

The first time it happens, he’s on his way to the Institute, having just created a portal. He halts his movement when he feels blood tickle from his nose. He shrugs it off, blaming it on the lack of sleep and the stress he’s been under these past few days. Losing his magic, Alec almost dying, Clary missing, giving his loft away... He’s had a lot on his plate so it’s normal for his body to react that way.

_Right?_

He sighs and wipes away the dried blood with the back of his hand. He convinces himself that all he needs is to pass out for a few hours and get some cuddles from Alec. Squaring his shoulders he plasters a smile on his face and steps through the portal.

 

* * *

 

The second time it happens he had just gotten out of the shower and was sorting through one of the drawers Alec had cleared for him in his wardrobe. He reaches for light grey briefs when he finds a dark stain on it and even more follow the longer he stares at it. His hand finds his nose on instinct then and when he pulls back, his fingers are a deep red. Magnus curses under his breath, turns around quickly to check if Alec is still asleep. When he sees Alec hasn’t moved, he grabs the stained underwear and banishes them with a flick of his wrist. There’s a sharp pain within his temple and he has to dig his fingers into the drawer for a few seconds. When it passes, he goes back into the bathroom to get rid of the blood. He stares at his reflection in the mirror, wondering what the hell he’s doing, before Alec’s voice startles him out of his thought.

“There you are," Alec murmurs when he sees Magnus walking back into the room. He studies him for a moment, eyes not fully opened yet, voice still rough from sleep. He reaches out with one hand, beckoning Magnus closer.

“Come back to bed, babe.”

Magnus swallows a few times, puts on a fake smile that Alec would’ve seen right through if he were more awake and lets himself be pulled into Alec’s warm embrace.

 

* * *

 

It happens again when he summons his magic at breakfast, a dull headache that makes him dizzy for a short moment. He averts his gaze from the others to take a few calming breaths, willing the pain away. He blinks a few times, his sight becoming clearer again. There’s a hand on his shoulder then and he turns to find Alec looking at him.

“Are you okay?" he asks softly, worry crossing his features. Magnus smiles weakly.

“Yeah. This food is horrific though. Now I know where your bad taste in food comes from," Magnus teases and earns himself an exasperated huff from Alec. The others then launch into a wild discussion of what not to do in the kitchen and Magnus promptly forgets all about his headache.

 

* * *

 

He doesn’t get quite so lucky after that. The next day he’s sitting in Alec’s office, going over some demonic occurrences to find a pattern. It’s late when they finally decide to head to bed. Magnus rises from his position on the sofa, stretches his aching muscles, and waving away the rest of his paperwork, folding them into a neat pile on Alec’s desk. Alec smiles at him gratefully, moving to stand up himself. Magnus tenses then, the sharp pain behind his eyes making him stumble on his feet.

“Magnus?”

The world around him suddenly starts spinning and his knees give out under him. There’s blood dripping from his nose again as his body tries to fight against a seizure.  He feels a hand on his chest, holding him down and he thinks he hears Alec calling out for him but there’s only white noise. Darkness advanced on him and he’s helpless against it.

He wakes up slowly; trying to make sense of the different sounds around him. He has to blink a few times for his surroundings to clear up. Catarina immediately notices that he’s awake and hurries to his side.

“Hey you," she murmurs. “You gave us quite the scare. Are you okay? What happened?”

“I--," Magnus starts but his voice breaks. Catarina summons him a glass of water and he accepts it with a small smile. “Thanks.”

She nods, still waiting for a reply. Magnus sits up then, his head still pounding and he winces.

“I don’t know what to tell you," he rasps out. “I felt dizzy all of the sudden, that’s all.”

“Don’t bullshit me, Magnus," She glares at him for a second before her expression turns soft again and she reaches out to hold Magnus’ hands in hers. “For how long has this been going on?”

Magnus yields under her stern gaze. He has to tell someone.

“It started shortly after Lorenzo gave me my magic back. Or more like, burrowed me some of his? I don’t really know to be honest.”

“Oh Magnus--,“ The pity in her voice makes his skin crawl. He withdraws his hand and gets out of the bed, pacing the room instead.

“Listen, Cat... I‘m aware that turning to Lorenzo was a bad idea but I couldn’t go on without my magic. He warned me about the risks but I was falling apart and I- I saw an opportunity and I took it. I know I should’ve told you but I just..," Magnus breaks off, sighing, and pulling at his hair.

Cat reaches out for him, turning him to face her and giving him a small smile.

“I get it, Magnus” He lifts his gaze to look at her and she rolls his eyes at his expression. “I’m not saying this was a good idea, you know it was foolish, but what’s done is done.” She shrugs then, the smile on her face never wavering. “We’ll find a way to fix this. I will not watch you suffer, not if I can help it. Promise me you tell me if something like this happens again, if any more symptoms occur. Understood?”

Magnus knows he won’t be able to change her mind so he nods, his own smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

“Thank you.”

Catarina scoffs, pulling him into a hug. “Don’t you die on me, Magnus Bane," she whispers and Magnus can hear the pain in her voice, aware of how worried she must have been.

“I wouldn’t dream of it," he responds, hugging her even tighter.

They break apart after a few minutes, Catarina pushing him playfully and out of the infirmary with the words “Your Shadowhunter is waiting for you” and Magnus can’t help but laugh.

He’s barely out of the door that he’s attacked by Alec framing his face and looking him over. “I’m okay," Magnus assures him before he can even voice out the question. Alec sighs, pulling him close and kissing the top of his head. “You scared me," he whispers, his embrace never faltering, “You shouldn’t have lied to me.”

“I know," Magnus murmurs into his chest, “I’m sorry.”

Alec huffs, pulling back to look at him. “I can’t lose you, Magnus. I won’t.”

There’s so much pain in his eyes and the honesty in his voice catches Magnus off guard. All he can do to stop himself from tearing up is kissing Alec, conveying with his lips what he couldn’t voice out loud.

_I love you. I’m sorry. I promise I’ll do better._

 

* * *

 

The following weak is tough. Magnus feels his body weaken with each passing day and there’s nothing he can do to stop it. Alec has been going crazy with research; talking to other warlocks, assembling a team of Shadowhunters to investigate and read the books he couldn’t make it through himself, taking care of Magnus every second of the day. All Magnus can do is let him, too sick to do anything more than watch.

Catarina comes to visit him regularly, examining him with her magic, providing pain relief whenever possible but he doesn’t get better. She’s frustrated, he knows, so he offers her a gentle smile.

Lorenzo disappeared and Alec is beside himself with fury; murmuring insults under his breath until Magnus reaches out to stop him from pacing.

He’s tired. Every movement puts a toll on his body.

“Will you lie down with me for a bit?," he asks and Alec takes one look at his pale face and tired eyes and softens immediately.

“Of course," he gives him a sweet smile, pressing a kiss to his temple and wrapping his arms around his waist to steady him.

When they’re back in their room, Alec helps Magnus to get rid of his clothes, assisting him to lie down comfortably since Magnus’ legs are too shaky to stand on his own. He hasn’t done much, simply wanting to get out of the bedroom so he had stood in Alec’s office for a bit. Apparently even that seems to be too much for his sick body to handle.

He sighs when he slowly stretches out on the bed, his movements having lost its usual grace. The bed ripples slightly when Alec lies down next to him, pulling him close and Magnus presses a soft kiss to his collarbone.

“You know how this ends right?," he dares to ask after a few minutes of silence.

“Magnus don’t—“

“We have to talk about this," Magnus argues, pulling back to look up at him.

“Well I don’t want to," Alec responds stubbornly, avoiding Magnus’ eyes.

“You’ll regret it if you don’t say goodbye now; if you don’t allow yourself to say everything you need to before I’m gone.”

“Magnus," Alec chokes on this simple word. His heart contracts painfully, tears gathers in his eyes but Magnus is having none of it. He cups Alec’s jaw, turning his face to look at him and as soon as their eyes lock Alec bursts into tears.

“I know, love. I know. It’s going to be okay," he whispers as he pulls Alec close to his chest, cradling the back of his head. Alec sobs against his neck, his fingers clinging to the back of Magnus’ shirt.

“It’s not okay. How am I supposed to go on without you? I can’t—Magnus, I—," he hiccups, the pain overwhelming.

“Look at me," he orders and Alec does; albeit reluctantly. Magnus gives him a small smile, trying to keep his emotions in check as he wipes away the tears on Alec’s cheek.

“You’ll be okay. Heartbreak is awful and it’s going to hurt like nothing else you’ve experienced and I can’t tell you how sorry I am that I’m the one who’s going to put you through that but you’ll be okay. You’ll move on and you’ll love again.” Alec shakes his head frantically but Magnus halts his movement by framing his head with his hands. “You will. Promise me you’re not going to close yourself off again.”

“Magnus—“

“Promise me, Alexander.”

“I can’t," Alec blurts out and Magnus is momentarily taken aback by the force of it. “I can’t...," he adds, softer now, “Please don’t ask that of me, Magnus. Don’t make me promise something that I’m not sure I can keep.”

Tears spring to Magnus’ eyes and he can’t hold them back this time.

“Okay," he whispers, brushing his fingers over the scar on Alec’s eyebrow, “Okay. I won’t.” Alec breathes a sigh of relief and moves closer, pressing his lips to Magnus’.

 _I love you_ , it says. _I’ll never forget about you_. He tugs on Magnus bottom lip; _Thank you for loving me in return_. Alec reaches for Magnus’ neck, pulling him closer and parting his lips. _You were a dream come true_. He tugs slightly at Magnus’ hair, relishing in the moan that escapes Magnus’ throat. _I want to hate you for leaving me_ ; _for making me fall in love with you in the first place_. Magnus whines against his lips and Alec tries to soothe the pain with his tongue. _I can’t, you know I can’t. I could never hate you. You saved me_. He pulls back, resting his forehead against Magnus’, breathing him in. _I’ll cherish our memories forever_.

Sleep doesn’t come easy after that. They lay in silence, barely any space between them until they grow too tired to fight the darkness and fall into a restless sleep.

 

* * *

 

It only gets worse from there. Magnus becomes so sick, he can’t even leave his bed to go to the bathroom without help. He doesn’t have much longer, everyone knows; so they start saying their goodbye. His friends come to sit at his bedside to share stories and sweet words; making sure he leaves in the knowledge that he’s loved.

While Alec is grateful for all these people coming to pay Magnus their last tribute, it pains him to see Magnus so hurt. He lies down next to him that night, gently pressing a kiss to his brow.

 “It’s okay baby," he whispers, tears falling down his cheeks, “You can let go. I’m not going try to keep you here any longer” He brushes a strand of hair out of Magnus’ eyes and gives him a smile he hopes is encouraging. “I know you’ll be waiting for me when the time comes. I can be patient.”

He kisses his forehead, his cheek, his nose and hears Magnus sigh contently.

“I love you, Magnus. So much it hurts. But I’m willing to let you go now. I won’t be mad, I promise. I forgive you. You’ve fought enough. Let go.”

Magnus only manages a small smile, the blackness behind his eyes growing thicker and thicker. He raises his hand with the last bit of strength he can summon and lays it across Alec’s chest, right over his heart. He feels it beating beneath his fingers, steady and solid, albeit heartbroken. He closes his eyes; his chest rises on more time and then he’s gone.


	2. An Angel's Wish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Who’s there?” He dares to ask. Only silence greets him, but after a while, some of the clouds start to move, forming a human looking silhouette. The colours change to a deep purple before they grow lighter again; making way for a soft cobalt blue instead. Magnus watches intently.
> 
> My name, the voice says kindly, is Michael.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a short alternative ending dedicated to my dear friend Vanesa.  
> I hope this is enough of a happy ending for you. <3

 

 **I stand amid the roar**  
**Of a surf-tormented shore,**  
**And I hold within my hand**  
**Grains of the golden sand-**  
**How few! yet how they creep**  
**Through my fingers to the deep,**  
**While I weep- while I weep!**  
**O God! can I not grasp**  
**Them with a tighter clasp?**  
**O God! can I not save**  
**One from the pitiless wave?**  
**Is all that we see or seem**  
**But a dream within a dream?**

**\- Edgar Allan Poe, A Dream Within A Dream**

 

* * *

 

 

Magnus wakes slowly, his body feels light and relaxed in a way that makes his skin tingle pleasantly. His mind is calm; quiet and he realizes that he’s not in pain anymore. A smile builds then, the corner of his lips slowly tugging up at the sides. He stretches his sore muscles contentedly and relishes in the satisfying pop of his knuckles, taking a couple of deep breaths in and focusing on the rise and fall of his chest.

His eyes flutter open after a few minutes of comfortable silence and it takes him a moment to get used to the light around him. Magnus rises from the ground and turns on the spot, frowning. Everything around him is a soft grey with bits of sunlight streaming through, seemingly coming out of nowhere. He feels like he’s enveloped in a blanket of clouds.

Where am I, he wonders idly.

_You’re stuck between worlds; in a dimension that connects life to death and death to life._

Magnus startles when someone answers the question he didn’t even voice out loud and turns around abruptly. There’s no one else except him.

 _Welcome, Magnus Bane_ , the voice continues.

He frowns again but he’s not afraid. There’s something about that voice makes him feel safe; protected in a way and that is oddly comforting.

“Who’s there?” He dares to ask. Only silence greets him, but after a while, some of the clouds start to move, forming a human looking silhouette. The colours change to a deep purple before they grow lighter again; making way for a soft cobalt blue instead. Magnus watches intently.

 _My name_ , the voice says kindly, _is Michael_.

It’s then that the clouds dissipate and a young man begins to walk out of the specks of colour. The blurriness around him clears with every step the man takes and when he’s close enough Magnus notices how ordinarily human he looks.

 _Apart from those huge wings_ , he thinks; utterly fascinated. It is only when the man comes to stand in front of him that Magnus begins to process what he said.

“Wait," he starts to raise his hand to point across the man’s chest. “You’re Michael? As in Archangel Michael and banisher of Lucifer -- Michael?”

The angel smiles brightly and Magnus can’t help but smile back.

“I hope you’re not gonna take this personally," Magnus says, his smile faltering slightly, “But I always thought the whole Angels thing was a myth. Something that Mundanes and Shadowhunters would tell themselves to justify their actions or makes sense of bad things happening.”

“No harm done," Michael assures him, “But given the fact that you’re a warlock who is half demon, I thought you had a little more faith in the supernatural," he teases and Magnus huffs.

“Point taken.”

Michael sobers up then. “I do hear them; Shadowhunters, Mundanes and Downworlders alike. I hear their prayers and I try to answer them as best as I can. But I have no healing powers like many mortals believe. All I can offer is solitude and guidance.” His smile is sad when he continues. “They expect more than I can give and that results in them losing faith. Some don’t understand that I can only do so much.”

Magnus understands, more than he’d like to admit. People think that just because he was given magical abilities, he’s suddenly invincible. They believe that there is no limit to his powers; as if he couldn’t get himself killed if he overexerted himself. For centuries people have taken from him without giving back.

Seemingly able to read Magnus’ thoughts Michael tilts his head, regarding the warlock carefully.

“You and I aren’t so different, you know?” Magnus raises his gaze to look at him but before he can open his mouth, Michael has already started talking again.

“Do you remember what happened? Before you woke up here?”

Magnus clenches his jaw, images of dark hair and hazel eyes flood his mind before he can stop them. A range of emotions threaten to overwhelm him and he has to close his eyes for a moment. He nods then, looking at Michael but he finds the Angel’s expression unreadable.

“I died, didn’t I?”

Michael gives him a small smile and somehow that makes the pain Magnus feels at that realization ease.

“You did," the Angel answers, not unkindly, “I brought you here for a reason, Magnus. I’ve been watching you for centuries, now.” Michael halts for a moment to roll his eyes at Magnus’ raised eyebrows. “Not the way you think," he ads and Magnus feels his lips curl involuntarily.

“Angels are meant to look after the people on Earth. And not to boost your ego but you did make an expression on me. So I started watching you more closely. You might not know it but I’ve been here when you lost George. When you stood on that bridge and Camille ended up breaking your heart years later. I was with you when Ragnor died and I saw you fall head over heels for a Shadowhunter. I know your history and I know your heart. I watched you die tonight and I just thought that that wasn’t right.”

Magnus is stunned, to say the least. He opens his mouth and closes it again, clearly at a loss for words. He clears his throat then, looking at Michael with a newfound hope.

“What are you saying?," he asks.

“I’m saying that you are not going to die today. I know that you have had hundreds of years on this earth but it simply isn’t enough. This world needs someone who can carry out the deeds that I was meant to but never could. I can’t leave Heaven, I can’t be at two places at once so I need you to look after the Earth for me. Guide, support, heal and accept its people.”

“I- How? Why me?” Magnus wonders.

Michael takes another step closer, his wings spreading out behind him. “You have a good heart, Magnus Bane. Your kindness and wisdom are very much needed down there.” He points a finger between them and Magnus follows his movements with his eyes. The clouds clear beneath him and he watches transfixed, when they start to project pictures. He sees different continents blending into one and he sees people praying, crying and smiling. It makes his heart ache. Magnus really loves this place.

“I’m giving you a second chance because you deserve it.”

Magnus feels tears spring to his eyes at the words and he shakes his head slowly. “I don’t know what to say," he admits.

Michael reaches out to lay his hand above Magnus’ heart. The touch makes him gasp but suddenly something clicks inside, something that mends all the broken pieces back together.

“Say you will use your powers wisely, the same way you have always done. Say you will treat people with kindness and help those that are in need. Say you will cherish this life that I have given you; do not treat it the way you used to. Say that you will live and love to the fullest.”

Magnus can’t stop the tears from falling this time.

“Thank you," he chokes out and Michel can see the sincerity in his eyes, “I won’t disappoint you.”

“I know you won’t," he takes a step back and raises his hand in front of Magnus’ face.

“Now it’s time to get you back home, there are people waiting for you.” He touches his forehead and Magnus closes his eyes on instinct. It feels like he’s floating, the sound of Michael’s silhouette fading into nothingness.

 _We will see each other again_ , is the last thing he hears before he’s enveloped in darkness.

 

* * *

 

 

His eyes snap open and he takes a deep, shuddering breath. He grabs at his chest and feels his heart beat frantically against his fingers. _I’m okay_ , it wants to say. _We’re okay_. He notices the magic singing in his veins, humming beneath his skin and greeting him happily. He has his magic back. A smile spreads on his face as he lets that thought sink in.

There’s a loud gasp to his left then and Magnus feels warmth spread in his gut. The smile on his lips grows before he even lifts his head towards the sound.

“Magnus?”

 _Yes,_  he thinks. _I’m home_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> xo

**Author's Note:**

> This story was born through [this](https://twitter.com/captxnbane/status/1107052974453542915) little thread I did on twitter.  
> If you think I didn't get yelled at enough for this come visit me.
> 
> xo


End file.
